10 Things My Parents Taught Me About Marriage :)

"Be careful little eyes what you see/It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings/Be careful little feet where you go/Because the little feet behind you are sure to follow," Casting Crowns, "Slow Fade"

The Rambo's, December 1996

The Rambo's were founded in 1986. 27 Decembers later, the small ginger Rambo in the center, aka moi, is getting married, hitched! One day I'll no longer be a Rambo, but a Hazelton. 

I'm blessed more than most young brides-to-be. My parents had a fantastic marriage. Mom and Dad are so strong, loving, sacrificial to each other that I only hope my little feet can continue to follow where they go. Mom, Daddy, as you lived your lives, I watched from afar. And from you, this is what I learned about marriage.

1. Make your spouse your best friend. I adore how much you adore each other.

2. Don't fight in front of the kids.

3. You will both fall, so be strong for the other one when they fall. From bad days to depressing seasons, I've seen you lift each other up.

4. Never leave your partner behind, especially in a fire. You showed me this with Matthew's diagnosis and your support of each other during that dark time.

5. Give your spouse a break when you can. Wash the dishes for them, cook, take out the trash-live to make the other's life better. I see this everyday.

6. Do things you know the other likes because you love them, or vice versa. Mom gave up Jeopardy for this :D

7. Set nearly all of your free time aside for quality time with each other.

8. Deal with each other's odd habits. Let Dad watch the CBS Evening News in silence and don't get mad at Mom for being 30 minutes late ;)

9. Give and forgive, always, always, always.

10. Without a growing relationship with Christ, none of this is possible. 

Mom and Dad, you've led me this far. When I marry Andy on June 14, 2014, I want to be just as wonderful as you are, and I'm planning something special to honor you two and Andy's parents on our wedding day. Thanks for leading me. And for Mr. and Mrs. Hazelton, Andy is incredible, and I know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree :) I cannot wait to call you my in-laws and I value your wisdom and love, too!

Do's and Don't of Singlehood!

DO's:

1. DO REALLY GOOFY, IRRESPONSIBLE (YET CLEAN) THINGS WITH YOUR GAL PALS. Ellen, Sarah, and Pamella-remember our 2 AM stroll down Tennessee Street to Waffle House?!?!

2. Get off your couch, stop eating stale Dorito's and go for an ADVENTURE....and do it with a PURPOSE to glorify God in it. Work at an all-girls summer camp where your 6th grade girls turn you into a "Barbie doll"? Live in a village in the Andes and poop in the bushes for a summer? Work at an orphanage in a third world country? "Oh blah blah blah I'm not cool enough-" um, no. Shut it. God's gift of life is too precious to waste, and when you're unspoken for is the best time to do such things.

3. Remember that God's timing will work out in the neatest and most random way possible. You cannot plan romance to happen-and it's just part of the story of God's plan for you in the kingdom.

DON'T

4. Place your value on your relationship status. Having someone doesn't make you any more or less valuable, it just means that there are seasons for everything. Remember that God has a special purpose for your life right now, one that does not involve a partner. Just like a bride has to prepare before she can see the groom on her wedding day, God has special preparations before you can meet your man!

5. Be bitter towards those in love. Realize that they're probably jealous of you in some way or another so it all evens outs in the end, and let their love be a reminder of the one God will have for you when the time is right.

6A. Think that your man will be perfect. Are you perfect, Little Miss??? NO. So don't hold him to unrealistic expectations.

6B. Settle. Please, please don't. The wait is worth it for a good one (and notice I didn't say perfect, because those don't exist.) Wait. The wait is soooooooooo worth it. Please wait.

Spanish/ESL Teacher Life on a Sunday Night Yo!

It's a cold Sunday night. I'm drinking coffee in hopes of warming up and waking up so I can alas tackle this mountain of papers to grade and lesson plan ideas swarming in my head.

Somehow I thought when I'd graduate college, I'd love teaching and I'd WANT to do my work even on a Sunday night. Wrong. Work is still work, mi amiga!

It was a wonderful weekend. My fiancé and I explored downtown  with the Christmas lights, drank Starbucks (Andy fell in love with his first latte), saw the new Hobbit movie, worked on wedding plans and went to church together. This afternoon, I went to Suheyla, a former ESL student and friend's home for Turkish lunch and to meet her new baby daughter.

It's also the last week before the break, so I'm trying to keep work light for my students this week. Kidnergarten will be coloring a Guatemalan flag, `1-3rd grades will draw and label pictures of their families/pets in Spanish, 4th-6th grade will be watching a PBS documentary about language acquisition, and 7th grade will watch a Guatemalan film about immigration called El Norte. For the night ESL classes I teach, well, I'll figure that out tomorrow, but they will be having a party on Thursday with salsa dancing, arepas, and pupusas-heck to the yes!!

(After I wrote that, my sister/roommate/bestie/maid of honor Melissa walked in the room, and we spent the next two hours yapping about wedding plans. Um, looks like I'll be grading those papers during my planning tomorrow instead!)

Speaking of that ol' sister of mine, we're making Christmas cookies tomorrow after work to give away to my ESOL students on Tuesday's class! I also owe my 7th grade Spanish students arepas on Tuesday, so I supppposseee I'll whip out my pre-made harina de maiz then, too ;)

I'm Learning: Who I Wanna Be as a Spanish Teacher Girl!

As my dad predicted, I knew it'd be my destiny at some point-I'd be a ginger Spanish teacher. Magaly, my high school immigrant friend from Mexico, swore the same thing.

I love, love, love being able to speak new languages. I question how languages work. I'd take La Tiendita (a fabulous family run Mexican grocery/restaurant where no gringos go to) any day over El Jalisco (your typical Mexican-American joint). I just spent the past fifteen minutes listening to Peruvian Andes music from my time as a student missionary there. There will be salsa dancing/music at my upcoming wedding.

And well kids, if you know anything about moi, you'll know that I just survived my first half of the year as a first year Spanish teacher at a private school teaching and developing curriculum for kids grades pre-K-8th grade.

I have no idea how my students describe me as, and well, that probably would vary depending on how much homework I assign each class! But I know what I want to be. I want my kids:

1. To learn as much Spanish as possible through immersion-based learning. Class is taught in Spanish whenever possible, and students are required to use Spanish whenever they can.

2. To experience the benefits of second language learning. We're registering for a pen pal exchange with a class from Spain and we're writing cards for the kids at the malnutrition center in Guatemala I interned for.

3. To see why so many from Latin America immigrate to the United States and to have compassion for them. We've watched a documentary about child migrants and the dangers they face, we're getting ready to watch the Guatemalan/PBS film El Norte about sibling immigrants who run to the US to escape persecution for being indigenous, and we've interviewed immigrant friends of mine.

4. To understand what it means to be Latina and how being Latina doesn't refer to one specific skin or hair color. On that note, we're talking about racial problems in Latin America and studying the terms criollo, mestizo, indigena, and mulatto.

5. To EAT! My kids are now lovers of Jumex juice, Takis, and arepas :)

But for me...I want to be kind, approachable, fair, understanding, and fun. Yeah!

For every time I've felt "heck yes!" about a lesson, I've also felt "burnt out." It's the first year teacher blues. For one, I get to design my own curriculum but....am I teaching these kids the right things?! Two, I'm trying to figure out a discipline structure that works for so many age groups I teach but that also matches my school's philosophy as a progressing, experimental school. Three, while I've only had a couple "parental concerns" this year, they eat me ALIVE at night when I try to sleep.....

But ya know something? I had this Mexican friend once named Magaly who I helped learn English. Any time I'd correct her or teach her something new, she'd look at me, smile, and say "I'm learning."

Am I who I want to be as a Spanish teacher? Dunno. But as Magaly used to say "I'm learning."

The Only Cool Thanksigving

Thanksgiving has always been a boring holiday in my book. You eat strange food (I don't know anyone who eats turkey, dressing, and cranberry nastiness on a regular basis!) and if you already do your best to be grateful each day of your life, the whole thing feels kinda cheesy. Plus, when you eat the food...the holiday is over. Blah. The end. El fin.

In my lifespan, there's only been one Thanksgiving that wasn't boring. No lameness there. It was cool. It was the last Thanksgiving that Granny (my mom's mom) cooked us dinner before she went to be in Glory.

It was the Thanksgiving that may have been Granny's last, but it was the first Thanksgiving for two immigrants from Mexico we welcomed into our home that year.

Ya see, it was my senior year of high school, and my best friend was this amazing girl from Mexico named Magaly. To make a long story short, she wanted to learn English, I wanted to learn Spanish-and the rest was history. Amigas por siempre!

Being Mexican, Magaly had never celebrated Thanksgiving before. When Granny heard this, she declared in her slow Texas drawl "Well we need to fix that! Bring that little girl over my house!"

When I told Magaly the news, she was stoked! We invited her brother Victor, too and he jumped at the chance to go. Our whole family was thrilled at our "Mexican/American" Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving came, and Granny was so proud to host the first Thanksgiving Magaly and Victor experienced. Like me, she loved other cultures and hospitality. I'm glad her last Thanksgiving on earth got to be her happiest.

That friendship I built with Magaly and her family was the beginning of one of my biggest passions in life, which is welcoming and serving immigrants to the United States of America. Now I'm an ESL teacher and aspire to one day serve in a ministry or non-profit that welcomes these people to this great country.

Yep, Granny's legacy lives on in me. Andy and I were chatting about all of the cool people from all around the world we'll invite into our home for Thanksgiving! The Hazeltons will have the ONLY cool Thanksgiving on the block!

Thanks for the idea, Granny!

Granny, Papa, and I today :)

A Trail of a Bad Events Train

A train of bad events seem to trail together. That's what this week was, at least.

I turned in my final grades for the trimester on Monday, and um....let's just say that I'm surviving and healing from my first angry parent attack. I grew up in a family of teachers, and I heard horror stories about the untamable angry parent. I thought "Oh blah blah blah just deal with it!"

Yeah, right. You can't just "deal" with something that haunts you. You always feel nervous in your stomach. You cry regularly. You question your desire and qualifications to teach. According to Mom (who's taught for nearly 30 years)....."you will quickly grow a tough skin." Tough skin?! I'm a ginger. I'm a physical ginger. And I'm a teacher ginger. That makes no sense. But see, gingers can't handle bad things happening to our skin...like I'm sensitive to heat and cold more than most people...and thus, I am a teacher ginger too....get it?! I lack tough skin!

But no matter what Angry Padre (padre=parent in Spanish) does to me....I still had a conference to look forward to! Yep, the school was sending their newbie teacher to the American Council for Teaching Foreign Language World Expo 2013 in Orlando!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Thursday, I eagerly awaited my flight with Silver Airways. The flight would take off at 2. I got there an hour and a half early. I sat at Terminal A-4 and made friends with my fellow passengers. They were probably the coolest part of my day. I met everyone from a precious seamstress grandma in her 70's who proudly "did NOT own a computer!" to a young man from Alaska who had been serving a three year jail term in Tallahassee, was just released THAT day and discussed with me the unknown world of jail and the hopes he had for his life as a free man.

Our flight was delayed until 3:30, so I snagged a sketchy airport sandwich at the cafeteria.

I came back. Our flight was THEN pushed back to an "unknown hour" due to a "maintenance issue."

I got antsy. I sat and texted my dear fiancé Andy. I called a friend. I even gave in and spent $4 on a rip-off Starbucks drink. By this point, it was 6 PM...and after nearly six hours of being trapped in a terminal......I had to pottyyyyyy.

When I came back from the bano, Precious Grandma told me "Our flight has been cancelled."

CANCELLED?!?!

We all stormed the Silver Airways ticket counter. The best they could for me was to put me up in Days Inn that night, give me a meal voucher, and send me on another flight to Orlando that would get there....at 2 PM. And the Expo started at 8 AM. By the time I'd take a taxi from the airport, get checked in, and get to the conference, it would have been over for that day.

I sadly called my principal,  who is honestly one of the nicest and smartest guys I've ever met. We looked up other airlines tickets together, but nothing was really available for Friday. Since we didn't want to take another chance with this suspicious airline....we decided to get a refund for my flight and hotel and cancel the conference.

He definitely made the right call-and even told me to not come into school on Friday since we already had a sub lined up and I needed to rest. But that didn't change how hungry, tired, angry and disappointed I felt Thursday night. That disappointment stuck with me Friday and is still with me now as I just saw some Facebook pictures of some colleagues who went to the Expo.

And there are still issues to be resolved with Angry Padre.......
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Now you're wondering how this related to marriage/engagement.

Well here's my thing. So many times when we're single, we think about how much better our life will be when we have someone.

But you still have the Angry Padre's in your life.

Your flights will still get cancelled after being stranded in an airport for six hours...

And you will miss that conference you were nerding out about.

Life's frustrations stay the same. You will still fall. But the difference? You have someone there to help you up.

After the Angry Padre mess began, Andy cheered me up. He gave me a shoulder to cry on, encouraging words, prayer, and even took me on a date night for Mexican food! That's all I need right there!

When my flight was cancelled, Andy rushed to the airport to help me figure out what to do next. He then took me home and listened to me vent and cry...after we made a stop for Chinese take-out. And to make up for the conference? Guess who is leaving the football game early to take me to see Catching Fire so I still get to do something cool this weekend?!


Having someone in your life doesn't change life, but two people change the way you handle life. They don't change the trail of the bad of event train, but they can give you the strength to handle the blow. Especially if they are as awesome as Andy!

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ¹⁰ If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ¹¹ Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? ¹² A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 a

L-o-v-e is to G-i-v-e

My lifelong friend, as in we were friends while we were both fetus in our mothers' wombs, Carissa, just got hitched in September to her Marine man! Yay for Mrs. Near, who was a GORGEOUS bride!

As I bawled like the babies we once were together while Carissa was all grown up and said her vows and such while Andy cracked up at the emotion mess of me, the pastor we also grew up with-Bro. Edsel, who is full of wisdom, told Carissa and her new Marine hubby some wise, wise, wise words:

"The world will tell you that marriage is all about l-o-v-e. But God calls the recipe for marriage as another four letter word, which is g-i-v-e."

Like Bro. Edsel's words often did, they came to haunt me (in a good way) this afternoon when all I wanted to do was take a nap after doing a bunch of grading and planning for my students. But I knew Andy would be coming over, and since he has his PhD preliminary exam on Monday, I know he would be stressed. So even though I was tired, I started cooking BBQ beef for dinner. I changed from my ratty Orphan's Heart shirt to a mint green dress I knew he liked. I even put on some Bath and Body so I wouldn't smell like I was tired from a long week of teaching, although I was!

But that wasn't all. Speaking of four letter words, I h-a-t-e working out, but I know Andy adores it. So I decided to even agree to go to the gym with Andy for a while after dinner.

I was excited about surprising Andy, but when he opened the door I was the one who would be surprised-Andy smiled and gave me a luxurious bouquet of a dozen red roses and baby's breath-my favorite :) And we spent the rest of the evening happy, having learned that loving someone is really giving.

Loving is giving, be it a bouquet of roses or your last fry in your Chick-fil-A kids meal :)

P.S. We also believe to love God is to give to God, and so we're looking for people to join us in giving to the children's malnutrition center I interned at in San Juan, Guatemala this year for Christmas instead of giving your loved one's presents. We also ask for your prayers as we prepare financially and spiritually for a return trip to the malnutrition center in Guatemala so we can give to those babies there who need our love. If you're interested in either one of these things, contact me!

Letters

The image of the man I would marry was always such a mysterious and mystical thing. And so, starting from the tender age of 15, I did what I do best to conquer such strange and awkward situations in life-I talk. I blab. Blah blah blah blah blah. I "talked" to my future husband-in the form of letters.

Sometimes it was a way of feeling better when all of my friends had dates for junior prom and I was all alone. It helped me cope when I got friend zoned by the gorgeous blonde dude from church. Or sometimes, as I prayed as a new Christian and lonely teenager, I would start to see that marrying the right person was one of my biggest dreams in life.

Many years later, I'm engaged to the man of my dreams. And I wrote him many letters along the way, from the back of the FBC MacClenny church bus to a tiny village in rural Peru. I'm going to share with you right now as many letters as I can to my future husband.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007-Written coming back from Centri-fuge in the FBC MacClenny bus

I can't wait to meet the man I'll marry! Oh wow...I wonder what he's doing now. You know what? I'm going to write him a letter :)

Dear husband,

Hey! I'm sleepy, but I'll never be too tired to stop and daydream about you :)

I think God is calling us to be missionaries. I'm excited, but scared! But if God is on my side, how can I be afraid? I also hope we have kids! I like Jonathon, Daniel and Chris. For girls, I like Christy, Madison, Hannah and Allison. But maybe you'll think of a better name!

Thursday, July 30, 2009-Written after serving a summer at Camp Crestridge for Girls

Dear Future Husband,

I'm 17 right now. I'm planning, dreaming, and praying about the things God will have in store. I'm done some things I'm proud of. But there's only one thing. I'm 17 and never been kissed. I've never been on a date. I know there's a time for everything. But I want you. I want you to tell me I'm beautiful. I want you to protect me and hold me when I cry. I want to fall in love with you, and not just a selfish love, but with the love God has shown us. So many times I want to jump the stages God has placed in my life. But in this single stage, He's preparing me. He's perfecting me for you.

A couple of years passed and Andy and I went through our share of heartbreaks. On June 12, 2011 he wrote a letter to his future wife (that I won't post on here, but it was pretty awesome!)

Little did he know, I was also writing him letters, even a poem or two-that very same summer. And little did he know, just a few months after that he and I would start dating and falling in love.

The last year we wrote each other letters was when I was a short-term missionary in Peru. While I was gone for a few months doing church planting with the International Mission Board in a tiny indigenous village, with no Internet and highly limited phone access, we knew that our communication would be super limited. And so, a few months before I left, we started writing each other letters to read-one to read for each day I'd be gone.

Now that Hubby is known, it is time to plan a wedding! :)